I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That accounts for only three of the penises
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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