he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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