and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
