wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
