haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
