Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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