My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
