Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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