I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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