I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
