i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So vagazzling was a success
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
