I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it because I queefed?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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