Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
