I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
