yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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