I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
