playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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