Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
