He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
PANTIES FOUND
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
