Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
