Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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