I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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