Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
