Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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