i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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