your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
