I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
