i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
