I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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