Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
