I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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