I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
