Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
