He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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