Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
