guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
