just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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