Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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