Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
