I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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