How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
