I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize