are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
