i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found the puke drawer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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