I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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