a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
