how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
