Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
