And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
