Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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