Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize