somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
