I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
