so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
