Farmville is her only friend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
