I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
