I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize