He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
