I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
