piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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