found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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