If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
