You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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