So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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