i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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