There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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