Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize