If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
